I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
