We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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