R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
