i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize