She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
