as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
