His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
