I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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