Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
