Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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