As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
