im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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