Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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