You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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