So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
