i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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