David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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