need another drink. this is the easiest way
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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