thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
