I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
