I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
