it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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