Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We have so much sex to catch up on
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
