why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
