there's paper in my vomit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
