Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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