I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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