LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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