What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
