Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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