the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
