Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
