I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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