i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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