omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
