Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
a search helicopter?!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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