I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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