If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
