she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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