I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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