i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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