if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
