i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
