Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
