i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
