Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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