census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
