For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
