If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
