sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i came on her dog
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
