im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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