just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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