no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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