I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
