if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Congratulations! We have a period
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
