My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Are my feet made of real feet?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
