And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
