apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
