can we get nightvision for the apartment?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
