I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
