watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
