I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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