and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
