The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
