And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
