Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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