He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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