Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
