where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
