you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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